Thoughts of Christmas

Hello and welcome to my blog series on the holiday season! I will refer to it as Christmas, only because most people in my area celebrate it, but I do recognize that there are many different traditions, cultures, celebrations, and holidays this time of year…but I can only write it from my perspective. I obviously can’t write from a different view if I don’t know about it firsthand. That would be doing a disservice to my readers.

A lot of what I write could be similar experiences, traditions, and views as other cultures so don’t completely dismiss this series.

So, without further ado, I bring you my holiday series:

• #1        Thoughts of Christmas
• #2        Anticipation of Christmas
• #3        Inspiration of Christmas
• #4        Magic of Christmas
• #5        Love of Christmas
• #6        Once Upon a Christmas

So enjoy, and I hope you have a magical Christmas!

Be awesome and may your life be passionate! <3

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Holiday #1 – Thoughts of Christmas

This is the first in a series of six articles I’m writing on Christmas. This one is about my thoughts of Christmas and the holiday season.

Gift giving. Christmas has become commercial. We are pressured to buy buy buy, and give give give. I have actually tried buying gifts in the past, and spending more than I could reasonably afford, and I tried making gifts. I may be out of tune to what people like, but it doesn’t seem appreciated. Then I realized that people don’t need more ‘stuff’. I appreciate everything that is given to me, but I don’t need anything. I remember one year I made snowflake ornaments and drew cartoon characters. I included a handwritten note in a card, personalized for each person…not one person who received them gave me any indication it was not appreciated…but then again, I wonder if the cards were awkward because I wrote my feelings, personalizing it for each person. Also, what if each person was just being polite? Were the letters appreciated? I need to learn not to dwell on speculation or worry. I’m not a mind reader. I did a nice thing for family and friends, and I would like to think they appreciated it. I know I would love to receive handwritten cards from people…but I never do. I also love homemade gifts because it means someone thought of me and took the time to make something with me in mind. I haven’t been able to give gifts the last few years because of working hard to get back on my feet. I would like to think my family understands. So, instead of giving presents, I give my presence. I hope that is enough, because I truly can’t afford gifts this year.

Parties. I love attending Christmas parties. I am not a social butterfly, but I love seeing people I don’t see often. I love sitting to the side and listening to conversations. Oftentimes no one comes to talk to me, but I just like to listen to others. It hurts sometimes when people don’t ask about me and what’s going on in my life, but I like to hear about other people go on about their better lives. I am also not a drinker. A lot of people don’t understand. I’ve had people assume I’m a recovering alcoholic (ME?!), because why else would I not drink? The truth is, I just don’t like the taste. They say it’s an acquired taste, but I couldn’t drink it long enough to acquire the taste. I have no problem with those who choose to enjoy a drink or two. It’s just not for me. I’ll take Pepsi over beer any day. Side note, if you’re hosting a get together, have non-alcoholic beverages available. It used to bother me when there isn’t pop or juice available (I don’t drink coffee or tea), or there were only juice boxes for the kids, but then I started bringing my own small bottle of pop to sip throughout the evening.

Gatherings. Part two to parties. Here’s something I learned over the years. If there’s a gathering that stresses you out, don’t go. Simple as that. I spent a month getting anxious about a gathering a few years ago. There was one person that would make me uncomfortable. I was so anxious about the restaurant get together that I was sick. So I decided one year not to go. It took a weight off my shoulders. Don’t feel obligated to go to a gathering if it makes you uncomfortable. Sometimes you have to think about yourself and your own mental health. Say yes to the things that make you happy. Say no to the things that don’t. Simple as that. I am a lot happier because I realized I can make decisions on my own without allowing others (or a sense of obligation) to make the decisions for me. A weight lifted from my shoulders when I realized this.

Loneliness. This post was originally written in 2022 and edited with some rewrites this year. Back in 2004 and prior, I had lots of opportunities to meet people. I worked, I hung out, I did stuff outside of work, and I was more out and about. Then I had a relationship which made the holidays easier to endure, but I always felt for the people who didn’t have someone to share the holidays with. Then I left my ex and my old life behind. In 2022 I felt a loneliness I never thought I’d feel again. Things have changed a lot in my life, but my Christmas of that year, my depression was stronger than the rest of the year. It seemed like everyone was paired up every gathering I went to. I felt like no one wanted to be with me. I had no one to spend the holidays with. Not romantically, anyway. I left a bad relationship just a few months prior, so I was not ready for a relationship. It didn’t make it hurt any less. I found myself wondering if I would ever find my person. Just a couple weeks later and I started dating my soulmate. In 2023, I wasn’t alone. I won’t be alone this year. But I feel for those that don’t have other people to share the holidays with. Or share their lives with.

Before I found that special man, I felt like I left a bad situation, but I’m the one who was being punished. My old life was taken away from me and everything I knew went with it. A couple years later, and I am still working on getting back on my feet. He was living a great life without having me to “deal with” while I have to fix so many problems created with me getting the courage to leave. Sometimes it made me want to go back to when life was less complicated…but was that the right thing to do?

Thankfulness. Every day I am thankful for all that I have. I have a roof over my head, a healthy body, a full fridge and cupboards, a loving relationship, and a wonderful son. There are people who don’t have some of those, or even all of those. One day I hope to be in a position to help others. But like the flight instructional recording says, when the cabin pressure drops and the oxygen mask drops, you have to put yours on first before you can help another.

Christmas decorations and Christmas music. When I was a kid, I would play the music year-round, when I was in the mood. As an adult, I changed and now only play music and put up decorations on December 1 (I also do the same for Hallowe’en on October 1)…then the deco comes down January 1. I used to sit in quiet judgement of those who put up their deco earlier. Now, I realize that if it makes the person happy, who am I to steal their joy? Seeing the lights so beautifully lit up makes me happy…even if I see them in November. I also realized that people doing what they’re doing – if it makes them happy, then I’m all for it. It doesn’t affect me, so why does it bother me? But for me, if I put up the decorations too early, Christmas loses a bit of its magic before the big day happens.

Road rage and crowds. I try to avoid going anywhere or doing anything after December 1. I go to work, I come home, rinse, repeat. Everyone is in a rush to get anywhere. Too many people cut me off or tailgate me or just do the wrong thing driving, and of course, I’m the one at fault. They honk at me, when clearly it was them at fault. I’m not perfect. I’ve made driving mistakes, and I know when I’ve done something wrong. I learn from it and move on. I also don’t like the crowds in stores. Everyone pushing and shoving. It’s totally unnecessary.

Thanks for reading my thoughts! What are yours? Let me know in the comments!

Be awesome and may your life be passionate!