Choices

I. Introduction

Choices. We face them every day, and we’ve all been there – wondering if we’ve made the right decision. Life is a complex tapestry of choices, and it’s these choices that shape us into who we are today and where we’re headed. The reality is that our current circumstances are a direct result of the choices we’ve made in the past. If we’re not satisfied with our present situation, it’s often because of the choices we’ve made. This is why making conscious, intentional choices is crucial. By doing so, we can take ownership of our lives and create the future we desire.

II. The Power of Choices

Choices take us to where we are today because when we make a choice, we pick between two or more directions to walk in. Choices can lead us down the right or wrong path.

To help you understand what I mean, let me give examples from my own life. For the longest time, my life felt like everything was going wrong. I looked to my past. It was easy to blame my circumstances, but I realized I could choose differently and end up in a whole new place entirely.

When I was going into Grade 3, I moved to the big city from a small town. It was a whole new world for me. I was the new kid on the block in a classroom of people who knew each other since Grade Primary. I didn’t fit in. I was different from everyone else, and shy. Not a great combination. I was picked on relentlessly, always picked last, and rarely invited to play with the other kids during recess. It affected me a lot. I started to feel bad about myself. And this went on for years.

It wasn’t until high school the kids finally moved onto more important things than teasing me, picking fights with me, and making fun of everything about me that was different.

In that time, I didn’t learn to be my own person. I hid my real self. I didn’t make the choice to rise above the criticism and comments. I didn’t ignore them. I let them choose how I feel about myself. Looking back, that was a poor decision. I didn’t consciously make said decision, which made it even worse. Now, I’m dealing with the fallout of that choice. Maybe if I didn’t let the other kids get to me, maybe I would have had greater self-confidence and later went on to accomplish my dreams. It isn’t too late. I can still change the fallout of that choice. I am still able to raise my confidence and accomplish my dreams. That is why you are reading this blog post and visiting my website today. I chose not to give up.

In high school, I had a meeting with a guidance counselor about what I wanted to do after high school. I said all I ever wanted to be since I was little was a writer. She said I couldn’t be a writer because I was a C-average student. She suggested I take a library technician course at the community college in my hometown. I did, but it didn’t interest me and I failed. I regret the decision not to at least do my best. I could have had a better job than I do now, which is working in retail; a job that is not in line with my skills and personality. If I worked harder in community college, I could have been a library technician and maybe eventually a librarian. If I didn’t listen to her words in the first place, I could have had the confidence to be a full-fledged writer. This is how choices can have a ripple effect on our lives.

My first job was a three-month temp office job. I was doing administrative tasks. However, because of the way the two other people in the office were, I chose to walk out. I regret that choice because office work is where I fit best. Fast forward to today, I am trying to get out of customer service and into an office environment, but no one is hiring me because of the lack of experience and education. Ultimately, I want to write, but as a job to pay the bills, administration would be perfect – the best hours, the best tasks, lack of customers…it would be heaven to me.

I was working in a fast food restaurant. I became unhappy, so I found a better-paying job in a call centre. That choice led me to my first relationship. That relationship wasn’t the right one for me, but that decision led to the eventual birth of my son. I can’t completely regret that choice. When the doctor confirmed the existence of my precious boy, he gave me this choice: I can keep him, abort him, or carry him to term then give him away. I couldn’t abort him, and I knew I couldn’t give him away when I laid eyes on him, so I decided immediately that I would become a mom…even though I never originally want kids. He is now 15 years old, and I don’t regret him at all.

Fast forward to only a couple years ago, I finally left my toxic relationship, to start over a new life with my son. That was a good choice, because it led to finally getting my driver’s licence and a car. Unfortunately I chose horribly and went back to the relationship. It wasn’t long before I had no choice but to leave again, and, despite having to live in a women’s shelter for several months, I found a job quickly, after years of being a homemaker. That job led to meeting a new guy who treats me a lot better than my ex did.

My life is still a series of ups and downs as I navigate through the choices that are presented to me, but as you can see, I made good choices and bad choices. They have all led me where I am today. They have made me who I am.

I’m not where I want to be, and you may not be where you want to be. It’s because of the decisions of yesteryear that I am here. It’s more about that, than the circumstances. Because as you can see, we can always go in one direction versus another, and end up in one of two very different places.

Our choices also impact our relationships. What we decide can affect those around us, especially in areas of communication, boundaries, and conflict resolution.

I have great news!

It’s not too late to change the trajectory of your life.

All you have to do is change the choices you make.

III. Making the Right Choices

So, how do you make the right decision? Here are some tips and strategies on how to know what is the right choice for you in any given situation.

1. Listen to your intuition. If it doesn’t feel right, then it’s probably not a good idea to go in that direction. Often, your gut feeling can guide you toward the right decision.
2. Know your values. Aligning your choices with your personal values can lead to a more fulfilling life. Figure out all your core values and use them as a guide for your decision-making.
3. Spend time in reflection. Find a quiet space you will not be disturbed. My favourite place to go is the ocean, but you don’t have to go far. Just a quiet room in your house, or a lovely corner of your backyard. Just make sure you have time to yourself. Minimize distractions during this time – tell others not to disturb you and turn off your phone. Write down all your thoughts.
4. Face your fears. We all fear making the wrong choice. That may lead to “analysis paralysis”. We end up not making any decision. Procrastinators of the world unite! But this could harm you in the long run. Give yourself a deadline, then take a leap off that cliff. A net could be waiting to soften your fall, or you could grow wings and fly! Don’t let fear hold you back from making decisions. One thing that also leads to analysis paralysis is having to many choices or too complicated choices. Simplify!
5. Weigh the potential risks and benefits. If the list of benefits is greater, then chances are it’s the right thing to do. You might even come up with some things you haven’t thought of that could benefit you. The simplest way to do this is with a pros and cons list. Pros = Benefits; Cons = Risks. You want the benefits to outweigh the risks.
6. It’s OK to make mistakes. We all do. We’re all human. It’s essential to acknowledge that mistakes are an inevitable part of the learning process. If you fall, land on your back. Because if you can look up, you can get up! Brush yourself off and make a better choice next time.
7. Seek advice from trusted sources such as friends, family, or mentors. Sometimes, getting an outside perspective can help us make more informed decisions.

IV. Learning from Our Choices

It is important that we learn from our mistakes and also our successes.

How can we learn from the choices we make?

1. Reflection. Make sure you’re in a quiet place where you won’t be disturbed. Think about the choice you made and write down everything you can think of related to it. Then when you get all of that out of your system, write on the back or a separate piece of paper what you would have done differently, and what the outcome might have been if you chose correctly the first time. Let it guide your decisions in the future.
2. Don’t beat yourself up. Be kind and compassionate toward yourself about the past choices, especially when those choices don’t work out as planned. You didn’t know then what you know now. You did the best you could with the information you had at the time.
3. Celebrate your wins. Celebrate your growth through the good choices and the bad. Think of the times you made the right choice. Knowing we did the right thing in the past gives us the confidence to move forward. The worst thing you can do is tell yourself you’re bad at making decisions, and so stop entirely.
4. Look for patterns. Do your wrong choices have something in common? Is there a limiting belief? Is there a habit you need to break or change?
5. Remember that choices have consequences, good and bad. Look at how your choices in the past ended up. You can see what you’re facing now and see into the future, so to speak. You can see what direction each path of the fork will take you.
6. We all make good choices, we all make bad choices, and we all steer off the path. We are human. Keep this in mind. You’re not alone. We go through life in a zigzag pattern. It’s never a straight line.
7. Learn from others’ experiences; both the positive and the negative. You can watch them from afar, but don’t be afraid to ask them what they did and if it worked out for them. You don’t have to take their advice completely, but it’ll help you gain insight on your current situation and help you make more informed decisions.
8. Regularly reflect on your choices and their consequences. This helps identify patterns, gain insights, and make better decisions in the future.

V. Taking Ownership of Our Choices

We all want to place blame elsewhere. It’s our parents’ fault. It’s the circumstances we grew up in. It’s the fault of all the people around us. It’s our siblings’ fault.

That is not very empowering. If you place blame on other people, you give up your ability to change things for the better. Until you take ownership of your own decisions for your own life, the freer you will be.

Blaming others or circumstances truly hold us back.

You may have had a bad upbringing. But aren’t you an adult? You are no longer living at home with your parents. You have the power to change your life. If you just change your perspective, then you will be empowered to make changes.

Also, we have control of our choices at all times. Others can try to sway our decision one way or the other, but ultimately it is up to us.

Going back to my personal story earlier, and my personal choices, I realized I only have myself to blame for where I am in life. Taking responsibility for your own life and choices is the first step. Only then can you start to walk on the right track.

If we’re not where we want to be, it’s more because of our choices rather than our circumstances. Choices take us to where we are.

Here are some steps to take:

1. Acknowledge the role of your choices in shaping your life.
2. Celebrate the good choices, learn from the bad choices.
3. Celebrate the choices that led to your growth…even if they were difficult or uncomfortable at the time.
4. Embrace the unknown. It is important to be open to the unknown consequences of your choices. View uncertainty as an opportunity for growth and learning.
5. Gain confidence in your decision-making skills.
6. Make the right choices like a champ!

VI. Conclusion

It is very important to make conscious choices. You don’t know the impact of the choice, so think long and hard before going one way or the other.

I encourage you to reflect on your own choices – what led you to where you are today? How can you make better choices in the future? What choices are weighing on your mind at the moment?

If you don’t like where you are, only you can change it. It’s all in the choices you make.

I am facing some major decisions in my life, and I wanted to help others face theirs. I feel like this blog post was a good “choice” for this week’s post. Ha!

One last thing:

If you take the easy way out of life, life will get harder.

If you take the hard way out of life, life will get easier.

Let me know what you think in the comment section, and if you like what you read, please subscribe to my newsletter.

Be awesome and may your life be passionate!