Kelly KleinBe prepared for one of my more emotional posts.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.
Is this true?
I don’t think so.
They are damaging beyond any physical pain you may experience.
Full disclosure: I was bullied relentlessly in elementary school and junior high. In grade 3, my family moved from a small town to the outskirts of the big city. I was the new kid on the block. Everyone in my class knew each other from grade primary. It didn’t help that I was shy and expected to make the first move to making friends.
I was in that school grades 3 to 6, and in that time I didn’t make the friends I so very much needed. At home, I sometimes played with the neighbourhood kids but it was more of an obligation on their part to include everyone. When they went inside together, I was never invited along.
At school, the kids played jumprope or 4-square. I was rarely invited to join, but I so wanted to be a part of the group. In gym class, I was the one who was always picked last, despite being good at sports. People also didn’t want to touch me, for fear of getting my germs. In a game of tag, no one would chase me because they didn’t want to have to ‘tag’ me and get my ‘germs’.
At home, I was teased and picked on, called names, and even physically hurt by other kids. I had an ice ball thrown at my ear. I was punched in the stomach that hurt so bad I keeled over in pain. I was chased relentlessly up and down the street. I had things taken from me. I had my long hair pulled (until I chopped it all off for a few years). I was hit, kicked, and slapped.
And yet, I was still supposed to believe there was nothing wrong with me. I was still expected to love myself. How could I? No one else seemed to.
The bruises and physical pain disappeared quickly. What still remains are the words. Here are words that were said to me. I still remember who said these things, and the circumstances, where I was, etc.
“You are stupid.”
“You are ugly.”
“Kelly belly smelly jelly.” (I hated having a name that rhymed with other words)
“Chicken legs.”
“You have a creepy smile.” (said by two strangers at my current job several months apart)
“You could never get your licence.”
“You can’t be a writer. Settle for library technician because that’s all you could ever hope for.”
“You’re not supervisor material.”
“I don’t know where your head is.”
“Get your head out of the clouds.”
“Who would ever send you a candygram?” (an anonymous friend sent me a candygram on Valentine’s Day in high school saying they hope I have better days; I know I should think of the kindness of that anonymous friend)
“Nobody likes you.”
“You can’t do anything right.”
“I don’t care.”
“You’re worthless.”
“Why is she hanging out with us?”
“Ewwww, you’re gross!”
Looking back, I know I shouldn’t have taken all those words to heart. BUT I was a child and perhaps didn’t have the tools to think like that back then. It’s a shame, because now I’m dealing with all that now, and still struggling with liking myself.
Half the people who said those things to me probably don’t even remember my name. And yet I carry it with me every day of my life.
So words DO hurt. They affect every aspect of my life. They affect how I feel about myself.
It’s funny, because I remember what people said to me that were so mean, and looking back, I realize that they simply weren’t true.
Stupid? No, I am a deep thinker, I graduated high school, I understand complicated concepts, I love algebra.
Ugly? Looking back at photos of my elementary school days, I really wasn’t. I looked like a normal little girl full of hopes and dreams.
Creepy smile? I’ve had a couple people tell me I have a beautiful smile, even if I don’t yet think so.
Licence? I certainly proved them wrong! I got my licence and never looked back! And I’m a good, defensive driver.
Can’t be a writer? I have a website that proves that person wrong and a first draft currently in the editing phase. I’m not a published author yet, but I’ve been a writer since before I even met most of the people I know now.
Supervisor material? I realized it’s not my dream, so that doesn’t bother me anymore. I will not be there forever.
Head in the clouds? I will never apologize for being a dreamer!
Candygram? It was what I needed at the time, and I never knew the sender, but I appreciated it (and I still have the note!)
Nobody likes me? Is that really true? Does it matter? I have a relationship with a great guy who treats me well. Isn’t that proof enough that at least one person out there likes me?
Can’t do anything right? Is that really true? We all make mistakes. As long as we learn from them, that’s all that matters.
Worthless? No one is worthless!
Why is she hanging out with us? They obviously weren’t the right crowd for me. There are a lot of people out there, and I won’t hang my hat on one group that didn’t want me around.
Gross? I have good hygiene. I’m not gross.
See how I challenged the words that were spoken to me? Some of them were from elementary school, some from high school, and some more recent in my adulthood. I hope you will also challenge the words others have said to you. You are more than what other people think.
I can’t remember who said this, but here’s a good quote:
“Your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth.”
I never understood why people like to tell me I can’t do something. They all act like there’s something wrong with me, that I have certain limitations to living my best life; to achieving my dreams. Words like that have held me back because I believed that if someone told me that, the words must be true. They know something about me that I don’t.
What do people have to gain to tell me I can’t do something? What does it matter to them? Do they live my life?
As my blog post comes to a close, I want to tell you how I am beginning to rise above the naysayers of yesteryear, and maybe I can help you to do the same.
- Ask yourself: Is what they’re saying true? Is there a little bit of truth to it? I am a firm believer that we take from them what will serve us to become a better person. If someone says you’re stupid, maybe you just don’t know enough about one topic…so learn more. If someone says you’re ugly, maybe you just need to brush your hair or teeth. Maybe they’re just being mean, and you can discard it completely.
- Limit your time around negative people. Even if you have to see them every day at work, figure out how you can be around them less.
- Spread positivity to other people. I got in the habit of complimenting people if I see something I like – their shirt, the way they wear their hair, or they helped someone out and you saw it. Be a good finder.
- Limit the negativity you spread around. It’s like the old adage, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.”
- Work every day on being your best self.
- Challenge the words said to you. You don’t necessarily have to argue with them, but challenge it in your head.
- Love yourself. It’s the best gift you can give yourself.
I spent a long time hating myself because everyone around me seemed to. Of course, that lowered my vibes and attracted more of the same into my life. I kept thinking, “Why doesn’t anyone like me? What’s wrong with me?” I hunted for reasons why I am the way I am…assuming I had something very wrong with me because I’m so different and unlovable.
I was broken for years.
It has been a long healing journey that I will always and forever be on, but I am finally on the right track.
I hope you never have to deal with what I have in the past, but if you do, please know you are a worthwhile human being and you have the potential to rise above the critics and naysayers.
If you have a story to tell, feel free to share in the comments. I love reading comments, and I respond when I can. Let me know what you think of my blog post. If you like what you read, go to my website passionatequill.com and sign up for the newsletter.
Be awesome and may your life be passionate!
