Kelly Klein“At your absolute best you still won’t be good enough for the wrong person. At your worst, you’ll still be worth it to the right person.”
Have you ever found yourself in a relationship where you feel like you’re walking on eggshells, constantly trying to avoid doing something wrong?
I had two drastically different relationships. One I was never good enough. The other, I made mistakes but was still good enough.
In the first relationship, I did everything I could to make him happy. I made him sandwiches for his lunch, I made his coffee in the morning. I cleaned the house and looked after our son, taking care of all his needs. I did as he asked. He told me to jump, and I asked, “How high?”
After being the model common-law girlfriend, he still got after me for little things. He still didn’t like certain aspects of me. And if I didn’t do one small thing for him, he would get angry with me. His love, if it can be called that, was conditional on what I could do for him. Nothing I did was good enough for him.
I assumed that was how relationships were supposed to work.
That is no way to live.
Fast forward and I entered into a new relationship. I did all the things I thought he’d want me to do, based on what my ex wanted. He often says, “You don’t have to do that for me.” And when I didn’t do something, he didn’t get angry. I was still good enough for him. His love is unconditional.
He is showing me what real love is all about. My purpose is to share with the world what a real relationship looks like so that maybe you don’t make the same mistake I did. I spent 16 years in a loveless relationship. My self-esteem was so low that I thought this was better than nothing. I never believed anyone would ever love me, so I stayed despite how I was treated. I thought it was better than being alone for the rest of my life.
I finally got the courage to leave. I knew that being alone was the better option. I could get back on my feet on my own. I could grow into a better person. I could learn to be my best self. I could improve all my ‘selfs’:
- Self-love
- Self-compassion
- Self-reflection
- Self-esteem
- Self-worth
- Self-image
- Self-care
- Self-trust
- Self-confidence
- Self-reliance
- Self-control
- Self-discipline
- Self-forgiveness
- Self-awareness
- Self-acceptance
- Self-mastery
I found someone perhaps a little too soon after leaving. Perhaps I wasn’t ready, but you can’t help how you feel.
Unfortunately, I didn’t fix my life and get over my emotional problems. I came with a lot of baggage. I’m still dealing with a lot of the fallout of the breakdown of that relationship. There’s a lot of mental and emotional issues I am working through.
He loves me anyway. He once told me I am worth waiting for. He supports me on my healing journey. The relationship isn’t perfect, but it’s a lot better than I’ve experienced in the past.
I wasn’t good enough for my ex, and because of that relationship, I felt like I wasn’t good enough for anyone. I was an inconvenience and a source of frustration. I truly believe that he didn’t love me. And because of his actions, words, and behaviour, I thought I was unlovable.
How to ensure you find the person who knows you are worth it:
- Become the best you that you can be. If you sign up for my newsletter, you will receive a free ebook to help you be just that. Be forewarned, it is a lifelong journey. Be constantly improving and growing.
- Love yourself. It’s the greatest gift you can give yourself. If you don’t love yourself, it will be hard for others to love you. However, I do know that the right person will love you whether you love yourself or not. In fact, they will help you learn to love yourself.
- Learn to live as a single person. Stay single for a few years, figuring out who you are. Have experiences, get some grit, do things you can’t do when you’re tied down. Check some things off your bucket list.
- Grow your business or further your career. It’s easier to do when you’re not tied down. Become a success before starting a new relationship. You can become a success during a relationship, but it will be harder.
- Learn to accept yourself as you are. You are enough. Anyone who treats you as you aren’t enough doesn’t deserve you in their life.
- Cultivate your self-worth. Remember that self-acceptance and self-worth are tied to our relationships. A bad self-worth is damaging to any relationship.
- Forgive yourself for the mistakes you made in the past. Tomorrow is a new day and you can do better. Mistakes are OK, as long as you learn from them. Self-forgiveness can lead to greater self-awareness and self-acceptance.
- Know the signs of a toxic relationship before you enter into one. I will write a separate blog post on this topic, but for now, a quick Google search will help you.
- Know the different between healthy and unhealthy love. Healthy love accepts and values us for who we are. Unhealthy love tries to change or control us.
Remember: You are enough. The right person will love you, flaws and all. You shouldn’t have to change for anyone. That said, you should always work on growing into a better person. You’re not changing who you are. You are enhancing the person you already are.
Be awesome and may your life be passionate!
