Kelly KleinI awoke after what felt like three days, though it had only been ten hours. For a moment, I couldn’t remember where I was—or even who I was. I was disoriented…in a state of psychological shock. Everything was foggy, like waking up in someone else’s life.
Then, slowly, the memories came back.
My son and I were in a women’s shelter. Every excruciating detail from the day before came into focus.
I went to the bathroom and rinsed my face. The person staring back at me in the mirror looked like a stranger – a shell of my former self.
My son, who was thirteen at the time, sat quietly with his portable game console. Normally I would’ve limited his screen time, but I didn’t have the energy or brain capacity to care about rules. Everyday life felt far away.
I was numb.
I sat in the common area for most of the day, staring into space. The rug that was my life had been ripped out from under me. I had given up the world I knew because of one incident – one final breaking point – and I knew I could never go back.
I hadn’t done anything wrong, yet I felt like I was being punished. I had tried so hard to make him happy, to make things work. But it was never enough.
So I left.
I’d love to say I never looked back, but that wouldn’t be true. For months, even years, I replayed every moment, wondering, If only I’d said this… If only I’d done that… Maybe things would have been different.
But they wouldn’t have been.
And eventually, I learned it wasn’t my fault.
In those first few days at the shelter, I was lost. I didn’t know where to go or what to do next.
I gave myself two days to breathe – to get my bearings and plan my next move. I sat in the common room, staring out the window. I didn’t read. I didn’t write. I just sat.
The staff checked on me often, making sure my son had everything he needed. He was content with his games and the snacks they brought.
After two days, I knew I had to act. I opened my laptop and started applying for jobs.
Having been a homemaker for thirteen years, the idea of independence terrified me. I sent out almost a hundred applications and got only one interview. Just one. It had to go well, because I had no other options.
And it did. I was offered the job on the spot.
The staff at the shelter were amazed at how quickly I found work after everything I’d been through.
As time went on, I settled into life at the shelter. I kept mostly to myself, working and saving. My son went to live with my sister so he could have a stable home and start the new school year. I’ll never be able to repay her for that act of love and kindness.
One evening, after a particularly rough day at my cashier job at an airport shop, I came back to the shelter and checked in with the staff. They had something waiting for me.
On a chair in the office were several knitted shawls, each one unique and colorful. They told me I could choose one.
I picked the one that spoke to me – green, blue, and purple, my three favourite colours. It was soft and warm, lovingly hand-knitted by someone who didn’t know me, yet somehow knew exactly what I needed.
I wrapped it around my shoulders and started to cry. It felt like a hug from a friend.
The woman who knitted this shawl doesn’t know me or my situation, and she will never know how much that shawl meant to me.
It’s been a few years since then, and I’m still putting the pieces of my life back together. When I wrap that shawl around me, I can still feel its warmth. It reminds me that even in the darkest times, kindness finds a way in.
If things aren’t working out—it’s not the end.
I’ll always cherish that shawl. It got me through some of the hardest nights when I felt completely alone.
I’m still healing from PTSD, anxiety, low self-esteem, and depression. I still wrestle with feelings of being punished when I didn’t do anything wrong. I lost my home, my sense of security, and the life I once knew.
But I’m still here.
And I’m still dreaming.
No one can take those dreams away.
It might take longer because of what I’ve been through, but I’m determined to keep going.
I share this because I want anyone going through hard times to know – there is hope. No matter what you’re going through, you will get through it. It might take time, but you’ll make it.
Just believe in yourself.
Rest when you need to. Reflect. Think about what you want in life and make some goals. Then take that next small step forward. You got this.
