Kelly KleinHi, my name is Kelly…and I’m an introvert.
More specifically, I’m an INFJ, the rarest of the Myers-Briggs personality types (Introverted, iNtuitive, Feeling, Judging).
For years, I believed something was wrong with me. I couldn’t understand why I needed so much alone time to function, why small talk felt exhausting, and why large crowds made my heart race. I was an introvert in a world that often celebrates the loud and the outgoing. It took a long time to realize my need for solitude wasn’t a defect; it was my operating system. In this post, I’m shedding the quiet shame and sharing the honest truth about embracing life on the quieter side.
Here are my confessions.
Confession #1: I love people.
Too many people can be overwhelming. I love talking to people one-on-one. I love getting to know people. I love people-watching. It is a common misconception that introverts hate people. Introverts do value people and relationships, just in a quality-over-quantity way. Sometimes it’s hard to find someone who just wants to hang out with me instead of a group.
Confession #2: I don’t mind the spotlight.
If I’m prepared, I can handle the spotlight. I just don’t like being put on the spot. In high school, I was in French Immersion. In one of my classes, we had to do expose orales or oral presentations on a weekly basis. We could choose the topic. I always went with comedy and had no problem getting up in front of the class. I had my class busting a gut laughing, believe it or not! All because I was fully prepared. Also in high school, during lunchtime, I would perform my devil sticks in the hallway (juggling sticks) and often attracted a small audience. I practiced at home and knew I was prepared to perform. I also participating in lipsync shows, skits, and plays. All this as an introvert!
Confession #3: I love an empty, quiet home.
I love my partner and my son, but the rare time I get the place to myself is the absolute best!
Confession #4: There’s nothing wrong with me.
I am just different. I can do anything I put my mind to. I don’t have to be the most outgoing, bubbly person to get anywhere in life.
Confession #5: I sometimes wish I could be an extrovert.
Yes, there are times when it would just be easier to be an extrovert.
Confession #6: I am often misunderstood.
Extroverts misunderstand me. I can’t “think on my feet”. I take a little longer to process information, so I am often thought as not the brightest crayon in the box…but that is so far from the truth. If you give me that moment, I promise you, it’s worth it. Be patient with me. I have been told in the past that I come off as a snob because I don’t talk much. I am so not a snob.
Confession #7: I hate being told to change as if there’s something wrong with me.
I accept myself. All I want is the world to accept me too. As I am.
Confession #8: My skills and talents aren’t prized as much as those of extroverts.
I may not be able to work the room like my extroverted counterparts, however I have skills I bring to the table – organization, creativity, focus, deep thinking, problem-solving, and many others. We all have something of value.
Confession #9: I prefer one-on-one interactions rather than big groups.
I like being able to get to know people without being pushed into the background. I find that at big gatherings, no one really wants to talk to me – the extroverts stick with the extroverts, of which most of them are. I often turn down invitations to big gatherings, but would love to just hang out with someone.
Confession #10: I want a chance to speak up, but rarely given that chance.
This is why I like one-on-one. There’s no third person to hijack the conversation, not allowing me a chance to speak. I do have something to contribute, and I want to be given the chance.
Confession #11: Writing is my preferred medium of communication.
I can write down and organize my thoughts. I don’t like blurting out what’s on my mind without editing it. People get impatient with me when I can’t just voice what’s on my mind without pause. So this is why writing is much easier for me.
Confession #12: I am a deep thinker.
I don’t think about the weather, or sports, or politics, or the news…the kind of things people like to talk about. I think on deeper, more philosophical topics. I write about some of these topics.
Confession #13: I talk a lot.
Believe it or not, when you get to know me, I can talk your ear off about anything. Until then, you don’t hear much from me. So give me a chance before you write me off as anti-social. It may take a while to get to know me. If you stick around long enough, I will warm up to you.
Confession #14: I can have fun.
I do know how to let loose and have fun. I love going dancing, amusement parks, and travel. I don’t want to stay at home all the time.
Confession #15: People are draining.
People can be exhausting. I work in a retail environment at an international airport. Being in close proximity with so many people, especially when it’s busy, is hard on me.
Confession #16: Solitude gives me energy.
My solitude is often misinterpreted as anti-social, but that is so far from the truth. I am not lonely or sad when I retreat. I am not isolating myself. I am recharging my batteries. I am processing thoughts. I always come back a better self.
Confession #17: I prefer listening.
I am a great listener. I can be the shoulder you need to cry on. I can be the one to celebrate your victories with you. I can empathize with you. I will listen to anything you want to talk about…but be careful you don’t engage in too much “small talk” because you might lose me if you don’t go a little deeper.
Confession #18: I hate being told I’m so quiet.
It’s like there’s something wrong with not filling up empty space with some noise! I heard it all before:
“You’re too quiet…”
“Stop talking so much over there…” (said with a hint of sarcasm)
“It’s the sounds of silence…”
“Why don’t you be more like…” (someone more extroverted)
“Don’t be so shy…”
Confession #19: It takes a lot of energy to pretend to be an extrovert.
I often had to act as an extrovert in my retail job just to put up with the small talk and dealing with customers, and handling things. But I would come home both physically and mentally exhausted, often having a nap for an hour before I could get things done around the house.
Confession #20: BUT I prefer being an introvert.
I’ve come to like myself and the person I am. I wouldn’t be the same person if I were extroverted.
Confession #21: I can’t be that bubbly outgoing person everyone wants me to be.
I can’t change into that personality just because you want me to be. Introversion is not a disease to be cured. It’s just different.
Confession #22: I have been known to be somewhat resentful towards extroverts.
I get frustrated when I’m told to change and be more extroverted, but extroverts aren’t told to be more introverted. Why can’t they tone it down? Also, I can’t stand constant noise, but a lot of extroverts feel uncomfortable with silence.
Confession #23: Small talk is my kryptonite.
Surface-level chit-chat is so draining. I would rather have deeper, more meaningful conversations. You might lose my interest if you stay on the surface, but you have my attention for a long time if you go deeper. I have been known to pretend not to see people in public places or avoid neighbours. Not because I don’t like them, but because of the dreaded small talk.
Confession #24: I love people.
I hate crowds. I do one-on-one better than huge social gatherings. I like to get to know people better, and it’s easier to do it with just two of us. Even three of us, I find the other two just talk while I can’t get a word in edgewise.
Confession #25: I have strengths as an introvert.
I am creative, I have great listening skills, wonderful observation skills, and am a deep thinker.
Confession #26: I do prefer listening, but I also want to get a word in edgewise but I often don’t have the opportunity.
Sometimes I would just like to be included in the conversation, instead of people talking around me.
Confession #27: Introverts can be effective leaders, public speakers, and performers.
It may take extra preparation, extra recharge time, and a little more energy…but introverts can be great leaders. I read biographies on plenty of them to know we can’t be held back because of our personality.
Confession #28: I hate that introverts are ALWAYS expected to make the first move.
I know we should make the first move some of the time in approaching people and starting conversations, but it would be nice to be approached by extroverts occasionally. It’s easier for them. But they seem more attracted to other extroverts.
How Do I Survive as an Introvert in an Extroverted World?
- I take breaks often. If I’m at a gathering or shopping in a busy mall, I take ten minutes to myself. It recharges my battery a little bit, giving me the energy I need to last a little longer. This is especially important if I can’t leave early.
- I don’t overschedule. Taking my son to activities, date nights, errands, social gatherings…if I do it all in one week, it adds up. I need a little bit of solitude every single day or I get irritable.
- I follow a career path that involves less people. On one hand, I work in retail. Of course, not the best place for introverts, but it was all I could find at the time. The job was super draining. So, I moved into merchandising. I still have to be around people, but there were plenty of moments throughout the day where I would be alone. On the other hand, I am a writer, which is inherently a solitary task.
- I learned to set boundaries. If I don’t want or feel like going to a social gathering, I say no to be true to myself and my needs, instead of yes out of obligation. I do so without feeling guilty and without offering detailed explanations.
- I created my own sanctuary at home where I can escape to recharge my batteries.
- I have some solitude every single day…even if only for a few minutes. Sometimes all I get is my commute home.
- Most importantly, I accept myself as I am. I don’t let anyone tell me I’m wrong for being who I am. There’s nothing wrong with being an introvert.
I saw it written somewhere:
Yes, I am. I’m an introvert. I’m not shy. I’m a noticer. I am a thinker. I’m an observer. I’m not stuck up. I’m not anti-social. I treasure my solitude. I’m not a fan of small talk. I prefer a few close friends. I am reserved until I’m not. I appreciate true connection. If we connect, you matter to me.
So now I hope you understand introverts a bit more. The world is full of them, and we bring as much value as the extroverts. Neither are better. We are just different.
Be awesome and may your life be passionate!
