Kelly Klein*Please note, although this is written from my perspective as a writer, this could be applied to any endeavour.
All writers – nay, all people working towards success – face criticism at some point on their journey. It’s a difficult part of the journey, but if you want to be successful, it can’t be avoided. Don’t be like me – I let criticism hold me back for thirty years.
I had a hard time in high school. I wasn’t popular and although I was a bookworm, I wasn’t an honour student. I was athletic, but only in non-team sports like cycling, skiing, and rollerblading. Yet somehow, I thought that I would make it…without even trying. I wrote daily, whether it was in the journal I kept since I was ten, or my latest story.
I thought that once I graduated high school I would emerge as a new adult and my life would change. Who knew my first steps in this new world would cause me to fall flat on my face?
I wasn’t ready. I didn’t have all the tools I needed to continue beyond my student existence. I thought learning was finished. Boy, was I wrong. I was used to a somewhat sheltered life. I wasn’t used to making mistakes and fixing them…myself.
Most of my life I’ve faced criticism…and most of my life I let them win. The most notable one was my guidance counsellor, whom I mentioned in a previous article. I’m sure she meant well, but her words veered me off my path. Don’t let that happen to you.
So many people said I wouldn’t be able to make a living writing novels. I felt like I was letting my parents down…but I couldn’t let go of my dream. I still can’t.
We will all face criticism – it’s how you deal with it that counts. In this article, I will go over ways to not let criticism stop you, and how to combat it.
First, here are some reasons people are critical of you or your work:
1. Jealousy. They are jealous of where you’re at in your life. They feel as if they could never be in your shoes and gain the success in that area of their own life. They may not even want what you have or to do what you do. They may just be jealous of your success. They want the equivalent in their own aspirations.
2. Worry. They may be well-meaning friends and family members. They may not understand writing. They may have misconceptions about the ‘starving artist’. They may assume you could never make a decent living writing, because they hear all the horror stories. Their heart’s in the right place, but that doesn’t mean the criticism is any less hurtful.
3. Fear. They’re afraid you will gain more success than them. Perhaps they write novels as well, but they don’t want you to pass them, even if you’re working harder than they are.
4. Failure. They tried and failed at it. Perhaps they wrote a novel and submitted it to many publishers, then you also wrote a novel and it got picked up right away, or you self-published it and it gained success.
5. Non-traditional. They think you should be in a more traditional career path. They want you to go along with what society says is they way to success.
6. Misconceptions. They have misconceptions about the writing career. They believe it’s a difficult field to break into, or they believe you can’t gain true success in writing, or they believe you should be doing something more worthy of your time.
7. Maybe the person is just mean. Let’s face it; there are people out there who are just mean. They don’t have anything nice to say to anyone.
So now that we understand why someone might criticize you, let’s look at ways to combat it.
1. Believe in yourself. If you believe strongly enough in yourself and what you’re doing, the critics can’t bring you down. That is because you know in your heart that not only is it possible, but you’re the one to do it. You know where you’re going. If you don’t see it, you can’t expect others to see it. But if they never see it, if you’re confident in where you’re going, they can’t stop you. If you don’t believe in yourself, gain confidence. I will eventually write an article on building confidence.
2. Only pay attention to people who have success in the area you wish to gain success. For example, only listen to authors because they know what they’re talking about when it comes to the world of writing and publishing. Authors would be more encouraging than a non-author who doesn’t understand the nature of the business or career path. Only listen to those that have the fruit on the tree.
3. Association. Find people who encourage you and lift you up. Spend more time with them. Limit time with negative people. If you spend a lot of time with people who are working towards their goals and dreams, you will be inspired and encouraged to work toward your own goals and dreams.
4. Sometimes, all you have to do is have a meaningful conversation with your critic. Seriously! If their intent is well-meaning, you could clear up any misconceptions they may have. You may have the opportunity to help them understand. You may even gain an encourager.
5. Prove them wrong. Use the criticism as energy. The best revenge is to show them that you can gain success despite their criticism. Push forward and overcome your obstacles. They win if you listen to them. You don’t want that!
6. Remember that sometimes they are afraid of people who go for their dreams because it means they aren’t going for their own dreams. They know they gave up on their own dreams and secretly wish they could be like you.
When I stopped worrying about society and what others thought of me, I felt a weight lifted; I no longer carried the burden of their opinions.
If you’re criticized, do it anyway. You are the one who lives your life. Do something you’re passionate about, not what others expect of you.
If you’re criticized, you must be doing something right…or at least doing something. If you’re doing nothing, you won’t be criticized. Bask in the knowledge that you are doing something to move your life forward.
Remember it is your life. No one else gets to live your life. You do what’s right for you. Learn to rise above. You got this.
May your life be passionate!
