Kelly Klein*Note: This was originally written in April 2019
I was the kid no one wanted to be friends with. I was bullied. I was teased. It affected my self-esteem to the point that I felt I was worthless. I had a major crush on a guy in junior high, and another (different) one in high school, plus several minor ones. I had a few in my adult life. I was the one no one was ever interested in. I wore glasses since I was fourteen and had wild, untameable hair. Add to that I was painfully shy. Who would want me?
I accepted that my biggest dream – to find romance – would stay a dream, and I just enjoyed the crushes from afar, never expecting anything more. This was going to be my life. I would immerse myself in reading and writing romance novels and watching romantic movies. I gave up hope and settled for this, knowing this would be my life.
Most people have their first partner either in high school or shortly thereafter…but I only had crushes. I resigned myself to a life of admiring men from afar – a major crush in junior high, a different major crush in high school, then a few as an adult.
This went on until I was 26 years old. You read correctly. 26. Until then, I’ve never been kissed, never slow danced, or even so much as held hands with a guy. A co-worker found out I liked a guy at our workplace. So in her boldness, she told him. Unlike previous times – yes, this happened with previous crushes – this guy confronted me. And invited me out with him. I was floored and, fourteen years later, we’re still together.
There are certain things people expect in high school. They expect their first dance, their first kiss, and their first boyfriend. If you expect all that but don’t experience any of it, this is not setting you up for a life lacking romantic love.
The best kind of love happens when you aren’t necessarily looking. When you’re established in business or career. When you know who you are, and you know what you’re looking for.
Here’s my advice if you’re dealing with this situation:
1. Don’t be desperate. Don’t settle for the first guy to come along. If there was one, there’ll be others. Do you really want to live a settled-for life? Contrary to popular belief, you don’t have to settle for anything in your life.
2. Know who you are. Know what makes you tick. If you don’t know who you are, then you’ll take any man who comes your way. You won’t attract the one perfect for you.
3. Focus on the positives in your life. You’re breathing, walking, seeing, hearing. You have a roof over your head. Maybe you have a great circle of friends. Your career is going up. You’re an awesome person, even if you’re single. Don’t ever forget that.
4. Love yourself. You’re the only you there is. You are a perfect being, with the right mix of strengths and weaknesses. It doesn’t matter what others think of you. Their opinion should never determine your worth. Don’t worry about them – they have their own issues to work through. If you love yourself, you won’t allow the wrong person to be in a relationship with you because you care too much about yourself.
5. Smile through the pain. I know loneliness can be painful. I know there’s a void that your friends can’t fill. Smile anyway. You never know when the man of your dreams will enter your life and fall in love with that smile. If you’re down and in a funk, you may not recognize it, and he will pass you by. You will have missed your chance.
6. Date to find “the one”. When you do start dating, look for clues he’s marriage material. Look beyond the smile and charisma. Don’t waste time with someone obviously not right for you. It’s very important that you and he have similar relationship goals. It may take a few dates to decide whether or not this man is worthy of your time.
7. Pursue a hobby. It gives you something to do in your free time. It also gives you an outlet. You may possibly meet someone who has the same interest as you.
8. Grow a social circle. Don’t sit at home and while away the hours, letting life pass you by. Go out, have fun. Enjoy yourself, and feel gratitude towards your friends.
9. Be established in adulthood. Make sure you have various adult skills. Can’t cook? Take lessons or try recipes. Don’t know a thing about money and managing finances? Learn. Men love women who can stand on their own two feet. Men love women who need their help occasionally, but he wants to know he doesn’t have to hold your hand through everything.
10. Work on YOU. Grow yourself into a better person. If you have issues to work on from your past, deal with them. Talk to friends, a mentor, or go to therapy. Learn to be courageous through your fears. Become the best YOU you can possibly be.
11. Establish your business or career. It’s hard to start in a new field and also search for Mr. Right. It’s easy to get distracted. Being well-established shows a man you can take care of yourself if you have to. It also shows ambition and drive…you may just attract an ambitious man, and together you will move mountains.
Just because you don’t have a boyfriend when most people do, doesn’t mean it will never happen for you. Use this chance to discover who you are – become successful, perhaps travel.
Don’t be desperate and go out with the first man who looks your way, unless you’re attracted to him. Don’t settle because you think you won’t have another chance. Don’t lose hope.
When romance finally enters your life, it will hit you hard. You will fall hard. You will be glad you waited because it will be all you wanted.
In conclusion, even if no one was interested in you in high school, it is possible to find someone later on in life. Chances are, when you’re ready and it’s time, you will fall hard. Besides, how do you know no one was interested in you in high school?
Are you dealing with this? Whether you’ve gotten through it or are still going through it, tell me your story, down below in the comments! May your life be passionate!
Kelly’s Note, 10/4/21: Since I wrote this I have since left the relationship after 16 years together. We weren’t right for each other. The point of this blog post was to show that you can find love later on. I am now 42 and I have not lost hope that I will find the right man for me. It gets lonely sometimes, but if I found one man, I can find another. Before that happens, I am working on myself, my business, really knowing who I am, and having fun along the way. Also, because I didn’t have anyone interested in me until I was 26, I settled for the first one that “gave me a chance,” thinking that it was my ONLY chance at love. Please don’t settle for good or less-than-good, if great is waiting around the corner. Don’t give up. That person is waiting for you. When the time is right, you will meet him and it will be magic. I have to believe this, because I am in that situation, and I can’t see me being alone the rest of my life.
