Single Forever

Tired of seeing your friends marrying the loves of their lives, and you constantly being passed over? Fed up with being single? It’s OK, and you’re not alone. It’s easy to be in a relationship and tell people it’s OK to be single…but if that’s what we’re meant to be, then wouldn’t that person be single too?

I’m here to tell you it’s OK to want a relationship. I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels this way.

As someone who never had a boyfriend until I was 26 years old, I was sick of hearing about how men don’t make a life; that we should learn to be happy single. That is true…to a point.

You read that right – that I was single until 26. I wasn’t being picky; I was just never chosen. No one ever gave me a second glance. I was never asked out, never had someone use those cheesy pick-up lines, never had someone catcall me…my love life saw nothing but crickets. I wasn’t single by choice.

I hated being told to be happy single because it meant that I may never have that relationship I so desperately wanted. It was negating my dreams. It’s hurtful to say this to someone who wants it more than anything. It’s easy for anyone to say, if they are in a relationship: To tell people that a romantic relationship isn’t important. It’s like rich people saying that you don’t need money to be happy – because they have that money. Side note: Money does buy choices, which helps with happiness. But I digress.

I Googled about being sad I was single. I couldn’t find an article – not a single one – about how to move toward having a romantic relationship. All the articles insisted that it’s OK to be single for the rest of your life. I’m sure that would be fine for some people – it worked out wonderfully for the kind elderly woman who lived across the street from me. But to me, it felt like a sock to the gut. Those articles completely invalidated my feelings. I felt like it was wrong to want a man in my life, but I so wanted one.

I was tired of finding post after post or article after article telling me to be comfortable alone. While that’s important and good advice, it shouldn’t end there.

If you want someone, then don’t let people tell you that a man doesn’t ultimately fulfill a person. I was confused why that advice would be out there. No one was saying how to attract the ideal mate. It’s like if you end up being single, “Oh well…” It’s like you can’t control your own happiness.

If you are single and you don’t want to be, no matter how old you are, don’t give up! Don’t settle for the single life because of what other people say.

When you’re comfortable on your own and know who you are, then you will attract someone into your life. The right someone. If you want someone, don’t let people tell you that a man doesn’t ultimately fulfill a woman. Life is sweeter when you have someone to share things with.

It’s OK to be single…if you want to be single. But don’t let anyone tell you that you have to settle for being single if that’s not what you want for yourself. You may have to wait a while, but if you want a relationship, one will come to you eventually.

Yes, we should learn to be happy alone. Yes, we should learn to stand on our own two feet. But spending a life with someone – doing activities, laughing together, and overall sharing a life – enriches our existence. It is part of why we’re here. Being single is part of the journey…not the destination.

Instead of resigning yourself to your fate, why not prepare yourself for that special someone while you are single? Become the person you want to attract. This is something I wish I had done instead of jumping into a relationship with the first guy that gave me the time of day, regardless of whether or not he was right for me (he wasn’t). Remember this is temporary.

Here are some tips to handle your life in the meantime:

1. Become independent if you aren’t already. If you live with family, do your best to get into the position where you can have your own place. Learn essential life skills.
2. Discover who you are. Get to know yourself. What are your likes and dislikes? What is your passion?
3. Learn to love yourself. I know it’s easier said than done, but oh, so worth it. Whether you love yourself or not, you deserve love, but the quality of love you receive will be dependent on how you feel about yourself. If you want to know that great love, then you need to start with loving you.
4. Get ahead in your career or start a business fulfilling your purpose.
5. Get out and have fun. Accept invitations to gatherings. Be social. Spend a lot of time with friends. Make new friends.
6. Pick up a new hobby, or take classes in a hobby you already have.
7. Learn new skills so you don’t have to depend on other people as much. It should be noted that it’s OK to ask for help when you need it. No person is an island; we can’t exist without other people.
8. Be positive and optimistic. Being sad and moody all the time will not help you have a good life. You will be less attractive to others. People want to spend time with happy people.
9. Become the best you that you can be. Grow personally. You don’t have to change the person you are, but we could all use a little growth in our lives.
10. Become well-rounded. Learn about the world, read a lot of books, learn a lot of things that interest you, and practice being able to carry an interesting conversation, no matter what the topic is.
11. Pay attention to your fitness. Don’t let yourself go. Exercise, eat right, and get your body to your desired shape and weight. You should accept your body as it is, but that doesn’t mean you can’t improve it. It’s healthier to have a smaller weight. Eat more veggies and fruit; drink more water; have a treat only occasionally. Go for a walk every day. Start with just 15 minutes a day, but work up to a half-hour or more. Try to get some aerobics in. Some of my favourite exercises are: dance, hula hoop, and jump rope. I love to occasionally go for a run. Do exercises that are fun for you and you will be more likely to stick with it.
12. Have a sense of style. When I was in high school I was embarrassed of my developing figure. So I wore baggy blue jeans, a large T-shirt, a flannel shirt tied around my waist, and a backwards ball cap. I didn’t look good, I didn’t feel good. Find clothing that accentuates the positives of your body, and make sure it’s the right size. If you’re actively trying to lose weight, don’t be afraid to buy clothing for your current size so that it fits better. You can always buy smaller clothing when you lose the weight.
13. Develop good habits. Wake up early, go to bed early. Exercise daily. Eat healthy. Spend time outside.
14. Spend some time in nature every single day. Walk a path in the forest, chill on the ocean’s shore, relax by a lake, climb a mountain. Even if you live in a city, there are still local parks.
15. Volunteer. Helping people is the best thing you can do with your time. You don’t know how you can help someone if you don’t give it a try.
16. Travel. Go to places you always wanted to visit. It’s especially a good idea to go off the beaten path, where tourists don’t normally go. That’s where you meet interesting people, have interesting experiences, and have stories to tell. It’s where memories are made.
17. Go to local events. Don’t be afraid to go alone. Look at what is happening in your town or city and go to whatever interests you.
18. Only date when you’re ready. You don’t want to go out with the first person that comes along unless you’re interested in him. Don’t settle for someone who is not right for you.

If you follow these tips, then you will attract the man who is right for you based on who you are…instead of dating a string of Mr. Wrongs. When you go looking for the man you want, you will be the woman deserving of that man. The man you want is based on who you want to be someday. Why not make yourself into that better person?

Don’t ever let anyone tell you to be happy single. That’s like giving up and living a que sera sera life. A settled-for life. That’s no life to live.

Constantly being told that you should be OK with being single, even if it’s for the rest of your life, is the biggest cop out lie ever. When you truly want to have that romantic relationship, it completely invalidates your feelings. It’s the wrong thing to tell someone. They start to believe there’s something wrong with them for wanting something that most people have.

Having someone is the ultimate fulfillment. We don’t have to accept being alone forever.

May your life be passionate!