Kelly KleinHere I am. I am forty years old. Forty. An age I never thought I’d reach. It took a long time to get here, but suddenly I’m here. It can be hard to believe…until I look back on all the things I have been through in my life. It took a long time to get here, but suddenly I’m here. I keep looking back to see where I took the wrong turn to end up where I am. I’m working so hard to turn things around. I have good days and bad days, but hopefully I’m moving in the general direction of forward. I’m hoping to start a new chapter in the book I call life.
As soon as I hit forty, I felt like everything has changed seemingly overnight. For the first time in my life I feel like an adult. That seems silly because I’ve been officially an adult for many years. Yet I’ve never felt like one…until now.
I don’t know what specifically happened. It feels like a light switch was flicked. One minute I feel like I’m an immature child; the next I feel like I’m a mature adult. I actually have it in me! I like the view from here.
As soon as forty hit, I let go of things that used to bother me. It is effortless compared to only a few days ago. It’s like unimportant things don’t matter to me anymore. It’s like I matured overnight. I finally feel like an adult. I am beginning to forgive myself for the things I did in the past; the bad decisions I made – big and small – that I thought were right at the time.
I am letting go of things that used to bother me. It seems effortless compared to when I was thirty-nine. It seems the whole mindset change was effortless…or was it years in the making?
Sometimes I wonder: What wrong turn did I take to get where I am today? Not in a self-pity way, but in a how-can-I-turn-it-around way. Was it in grade three, when I had the potential to start over as a new person, being the new kid on the block? Was it in high school when I didn’t get great marks to get into a university? Is it when I worked a few dead end jobs instead of pursue my passion? Who knows?
I forgive myself for the mistakes I made in the past, and for being who I was. Perhaps wisdom does indeed come with age.
I also feel like I’m facing my mortality. I know I will die one day. It’s time to make my life count. Though I don’t feel old, I am getting older. Wiser. I know more about how the world works. This isn’t high school anymore. I’m in a whole new world. I think I am ready to move on with my life in a more serious and meaningful way.
I’m ready to move on with my life in a more serious way. I am ready to turn a page in my book of life, moving onto the next chapter.
I am not where I thought I’d be at this age or where I wanted to be. I keep wondering what wrong turn – or series of wrong turns – did I take to get here? Maybe they weren’t wrong turns. Maybe mistakes are where we learn. Perhaps I wouldn’t have come to this conclusion had I not turned left instead of right. Maybe all my turns were correct because they led me here.
Over time, as I worked on myself, I grew and felt I changed gradually, yet when I hit 40, I feel like I walked through a portal and suddenly everything is different. Suddenly a page turned and I embarked on the next chapter. Nothing was a catalyst, like I expected it would be.
I don’t expect everything to go smoothly from here, but moving on with a certain clarity and perspective is helping greatly. I didn’t waste my life after all. All that happened in the last four decades happened for a reason. All the turns led me here. And from here, I’m going on to great things; the things I dreamed of my whole life.
I feel like the world is my oyster. Anything can happen. I can be the person I want to be. The one I need to be. I know what I can do to help make the world a better place. It’s now time to do it. What a tragedy it would be if I didn’t unleash my gifts on the world? I finally believe I have something to contribute. I finally know what that something is. It’s time to let go of the fear and do it! I can do it! I got this!
I’ve always been a late bloomer. I think this might be my time to shine!
I hope my words can help you to come to similar conclusions in your own life. Because if I can get somewhere, then anyone can. I only share my story because I know there are people out there who are experiencing what I have in the past, and who need to see that they’re not alone.
Be awesome and may your life be passionate!
