Kelly KleinI’m going to be real for a moment. This is not an easy thing for me to share. There is something I have been battling with for my whole life.
My physical appearance.
I’m not looking for pity; I just want to tell my story.
When I was a kid, I was skinny and, looking back at my elementary school photos, I appeared normal. Despite that, my peers told me I was ugly. I heard it constantly, day in and day out. I started to believe it so intensely that I would never look in the mirror. To this day, I still have trouble seeing my reflection and all its flaws.
I see dull blue eyes, a large nose, and my resting bitch face. I can’t even smile properly. Then there’s my untameable natural curly frizzy hair.
In high school I was embarrassed about my developing figure, so I hid it under baggy clothes and hid my hair under a ballcap.
I never felt beautiful…or even pretty. I had never been asked out or had anyone interested in me. I had never been catcalled. I wasn’t asked to go to prom, so I stayed home while my peers made memories to last a lifetime.
I have never been looked at as if I’m all someone sees.
Fast forward to 2021 and we’re dealing with a worldwide pandemic. I wasn’t afraid of catching COVID-19, yet I still found myself hibernating. I gained a lot of weight, and for the first time in my life, I realized I was fat.
I recently left a relationship of 16 years. I tried to make it work, but in the end, I knew we weren’t right for each other. He was never attracted to me physically, but liked that I did this for him, and that for him. He helped me feel ugly. Maybe he was just reflecting the feelings I had about myself, but it still hurt.
Do you see what belief can do? If I can only believe the opposite, then perhaps I can be my former skinny self. Unfortunately, Words of Affirmation is my love language, so for me, words have the power to hurt…or to heal.
It has taken me a long time, but while I still don’t think I’m pretty, I’m OK. I don’t walk down the street, embarrassed about my appearance.
I wanted to share this because I want you do know that everyone has something deep down. I’ve made progress with this battle, but only when I made the decision to do it.
In my case, I focused more on treating my depression and anxiety, and started to do more with my life, following my aspirations. Now I’m beginning to feel better about myself.
I recently heard of this trend to stop telling your daughters that they’re beautiful, but instead tell them they’re smart, or so good at this or that. While I understand the principle, I think it could be damaging. The girls may grow up thinking they’re ugly because people stopped telling them they’re beautiful. All little girls have beauty inside them and out. Don’t focus on physical appearance solely, but please don’t ignore it either. Notice the whole package that is the girl.
Be awesome and may your life be passionate!
