Kelly KleinChivalry. It means something different to different people. Some would say it’s old-fashioned. Some would say it’s outdated. Some would say a real relationship can’t exist without it.
The last one is my opinion. Before you stop reading, hear me out.
I won’t bore you with the historic details, but originally it was a medieval code of conduct for knighthood. This article includes:
- The original code of chivalry
- Arguments against chivalry
- How to be more chivalrous
- How to accept chivalry
- How to encourage gentlemanly behaviour
Once upon a time, the code of chivalry was as follows:
- To fear God and maintain His Church
- To serve the liege lord in valour and faith
- To protect the weak and defenceless
- To give succour to widows and orphans
- To refrain from the wanton giving of offence
- To live by honour and for glory
- To despise pecuniary reward
- To fight for the welfare of all
- To obey those placed in authority
- To guard the honour of fellow knights
- To eschew unfairness, meanness and deceit
- To keep faith
- At all times to speak the truth
- To persevere to the end in any enterprise begun
- To respect the honour of women
- Never to refuse a challenge from an equal
- Never to turn the back upon a foe
And here is the Knight’s Code of Chivalry as described by the Duke of Burgandy:
- Faith
- Charity
- Justice
- Sagacity
- Prudence
- Temperance
- Resolution
- Truth
- Liberality
- Diligence
- Hope
- Valour
Source for both of those: Knights Code of Chivalry – https://www.lordsandladies.org/knights-code-of-chivalry.htm
Today, chivalry is more commonly associated with romantic gestures. Going back to the title of this piece, I personally believe that chivalry is more romantic, rather than sexist. I also believe that both men and women can be more romantic towards each other – it’s not just men.
Arguments Against Chivalry
There are several arguments against chivalry. You will read about them below, along with my refutations.
- It’s all about treating women as second-class citizens. – I don’t see it that way. I see it as treating other people with respect. We should always be doing what we can to be kind and respectful to fellow humans. I never understood why people have a problem with this.
- We need to have men and women equal. – We should be treated equal, yes. However, no matter how you look at it, we have to realize that men and women are different. We have our strengths and weaknesses, and we can’t ignore that. Why are we taking masculinity away from men?
- Women are capable of anything men can do. They don’t need any help. – Of course women are just as capable. But it’s OK to accept help from someone. What’s wrong with that? I don’t mind when someone does something like open a door for me. It actually is nice. Don’t be too stubborn to accept help from others.
- We are encouraging men to be more masculine. – And that’s a bad thing? The line between man and woman is blurring. We need to allow each sex to retain their identity instead of making them the same. Why are we taking masculinity away from men?
- Women aren’t property. – No, they aren’t. Since when is treating someone well the same as treating them as property? Why wouldn’t women want to be respected?
- It is demeaning. – But it’s not demeaning. Women don’t have to always fend for themselves. Don’t get me wrong, we should be independent, but not so independent that we can’t accept help from men.
How to be More Chivalrous
Would you like to be more chivalrous? Here are some ideas to help you out.
- Be courteous
- Be honest
- Be kind
- Be loyal
- Be helpful
- Come up with solutions that are just
- Protect her
- Go to the door when you pick her up
- Hold doors open and let her pass through the door first
- Help her take off her coat
- Hold the umbrella over her
- Pull out her chair
- Turn off your phone when you’re with her
- Offer to pay for the date
- Offer your jacket if she gets cold, draping it over her shoulders
- Make sure she gets home safely
- Send flowers unexpectedly
- Give up your seat for her
- Allow her to make choices, like where to eat, activities to do, etc
- Put some effort into your appearance, how you dress, and your hygiene
- Compliment her
- Think, speak, act like a gentleman
- Pump gas for her
- Don’t expect sex on the first date
- Have good fashion sense
- Write her little love notes, letters, and messages
- Keep things between just you and her; don’t tell everything about her to your friends
- Stand up for her
- Call when you say you are going to call
- Ask her to dance
- Remember special days
- Tell her you love her, with no expectations and just because it’s true; don’t wait for her to say it first every time
- Text her during the day
- Be open about your intentions
- Plan dates
- Call instead of text
- Kiss her on the forehead
- Cook her dinner
- Give her thoughtful gifts
- Don’t ogle other women
- Be nice to her parents
- Introduce her to everyone you know
- Make sure she’s having a good time
How to Accept Chivalry
Maybe you’re new to the idea of chivalry, and want to know how to accept a man’s chivalrous actions. Here are some ideas.
There’s nothing wrong with a strong woman, but don’t let your ego or pride take over when a man is just trying to show you respect and affection.
- Accept gifts with gratitude
- Don’t be offended if a man offers to do something for you
- Remember that if a man does something for you it means he values and respects you
- Be polite, don’t be rude
How to Encourage Gentlemanly Behaviour
- Be a lady
- Create opportunities for him to be a gentleman
- Be an encouragement
- Be positive
- Don’t complain, nag, or criticize
- Raise young ladies and gentleman
Conclusion
Chivalry is basically about respect. It is my opinion that we need more of it in today’s world. It’s a state of mind. It’s about valuing a woman.
In my experience, most of the time, men aren’t being chivalrous because they see the woman as weaker. A lot of the time, it’s what men do. Men no longer know how to be men, and women no longer know how to be women.
Do you really want to live in a world without chivalry?
Why wouldn’t women want to be more respected?
Why wouldn’t men want to be more respectful?
What do you think? What is your opinion on chivalry? Let me know in the comments!
Be awesome and may your life be passionate!
*keep in mind, this is written from my perspective, in a heterosexual relationship. I can’t write from the perspective of any other type of relationship because I don’t have experience there.
