Kelly Klein***KEEP IN MIND THIS WAS WRITTEN MARCH 25, 2021…I WANTED TO STILL SHARE IT BECAUSE IT’S PART OF MY EXPERIENCES…AND I ADDED A BIT MORE TO THE END AS AN UPDATE THAT WAS WRITTEN TODAY, JANUARY 19, 2023…***
“I want to know what love is,” croons Foreigner.
I hear you. I want to know what real love is. I don’t think I feel it. I don’t have the butterflies. I don’t think I ever did. I thought he was cute and interesting…but it never really went beyond that.
This is my first relationship. I have nothing to compare it to. I don’t know what’s normal and what’s not so normal. I just see other relationships from the outside looking in.
When I was a kid, all I ever wanted was to have someone love me and have that one great love. But knowing who I am, I didn’t think anyone would ever love me in that way. I had crushes – all unrequited, of course. No one ever liked me in that way.
I’ve always had a fear of being alone after this relationship. Alone forever. How could I ever find another man who wants to be with me?
I’m reading a book that says a guy isn’t into you unless he asks you out. No one ever showed any interest in me. Ever. I was never asked out, never hit on, never whistled at, ever danced with…I was never considered a catch.
I was 26(!) and liked my current boyfriend, when a friend of mine finally went and told him. Then he talked to me. That’s not the same as him asking me out. If this didn’t happen, I have no doubt I would still be alone today. I would never have experienced my greatest dream – a romantic relationship.
But then again…am I really experiencing it now? He says his feelings are broken, but I think it’s because he’s just not that into me, as the book says. If his feelings were broken, then wouldn’t he also not get so angry? That’s a feeling too! He fits so many of the clues that he’s not into me…but will there ever be a man who is? I’m forty-two years old. Every decent man is taken.
I feel like no one would want me. It’s either be unhappy in a relationship or unhappy single. At least being single I have a chance at happiness.
And there it is. The answer I have been searching for.
Thanks for reading about my personal experiences, and may your life be passionate!
*read an update down below…*
<3 Kelly E. Klein
**********
So an update. This is huge. In August of 2022, my life fell apart. I lost so much. I was left with almost nothing. I had a car and I lived in a shelter with my son. I started a job at YHZ, the international airport just outside of Halifax.
I almost declined the job offer because of several obstacles. But something told me to just give it a try. So I did. The job changed my life. I was just a sales associate, but I started receiving my own income for the first time in 12 years, I learned to become more outgoing, I re-learned people skills, I became more positive, I became more independent…and I met someone.
This someone became a good friend whom I could talk with about anything. Long story short, I fell for him gradually over time. I never thought in a million years he would feel the same way, but it came out that he was interested.
All this time I thought I was unlovable. And yet. Here was this man who was interested in me. ME! I didn’t have to do anything. I was just me. It blows my mind.
I almost gave up. I was focusing on becoming my best self, and I’m getting there…although I have a long way to go. Yet in the background, a romance was slowly, gradually, building up…then BAM! Like a forty-car train barreling down the tracks at tremendous speed. It reminds me of my favourite scene in my favourite trilogy – Back to the Future – when Marty McFly is in the DeLorean, being pushed by the locomotive to get up to 88mph. Then when he was up to speed, the sparks started flying.
That’s what this whole romance feels like.
So, if you’re battling feelings of loneliness, or feeling unlovable, know that you will find that special someone when you least expect it. I wasn’t expecting it, but I have absolutely no regrets because I couldn’t be happier.
#noregrets
Be awesome and may your life be passionate!
