Ruined by Circumstance – Five Steps to Stop Allowing Your Circumstances to Define You

You hear that people create their own lives regardless of their circumstances…but I’m here to tell you that people can be ruined by their circumstances.

If you read any sort of self-help literature, you know that it is up to you to change your own life. Not everyone knows it. Instead, they let their circumstances destroy them.

Kids can’t be expected to know how to push through. They believe a lot of what other people tell them. That is why when I was the new kid in school, I wasn’t able to turn my situation into a positive one. If I relocated today, in my 40s, I would use the chance to re-invent myself and become a better me. Back then, I was shy, mistaken for arrogant, and the kids didn’t like me. I thought there was something wrong with me. I spent my entire childhood thinking that, not knowing I could change.

It’s like the tale of two brothers who had an abusive alcoholic for a father. One of the brothers thinks that’s the way he has to be and continues the pattern with his own kids. The other realizes he has the power to be different. He doesn’t have to continue the pattern with his own kids. He turned his life around. Two men with the same background; one turns it into something negative, the other into something positive. One treats his circumstance as an excuse to be the way he is. The other treats his circumstance as a reason to become a better person.

So, while I believe we are the masters of our destiny, not everyone knows it, so they let their circumstances ruin them. I let the bullying ruin me. If I only knew then, what I know now…well, let’s just say I would have been a lot further ahead, earlier in my life.

What will berating myself accomplish? So, what will berating others accomplish? The only thing that will happen is making everyone feel bad about themselves. Let’s be compassionate. Let’s understand that they lived with certain thoughts about their situation for a long time. It’s not easy to turn things around, even when you know better; goodness knows I’ve tried for years.

Logically, you may know something, but until your emotions enter the picture, you won’t get anywhere. Tying logic and emotions together may be one of the hardest things you’ll ever do; but when you do, you will be unstoppable. These principles can be applied to anything in your life.

Five Steps to Stop Allowing Your Circumstances to Define You:

1. Stop the cycle. If it’s something that happened because of your parents, resolve to not be the same as they are. If it’s a cycle that you started and you perpetuate, then resolve to do something different. Stop the cycle!
2. It’s not enough to stop the cycle; you have to start a new one. Whatever happened to you, you can do the opposite. For yourself or your kids. If you’ve experienced bullying, then treat people nice…especially your spouse. If you went through homelessness, work hard and work smart so that you can stay out of that slump. Turn anything you’ve experienced into a positive for your future.
3. Create your own life. I was bullied, and I let it affect me for far too long. I believed all the nasty things said to me and thought I wouldn’t amount to much. If only I believed the opposite, I might have done more in my 20s and 30s.
4. Hang around like-minded people who are also moving on. They will be a great influence and motivate you to be the best that you can be. On that note, perhaps it’s time to limit the time you spend with those that bring you down. When you move further ahead, eventually you could be an influencer for them and help them turn things around. If you’ve ever been on an airplane, you’ve seen the demonstration made by the flight attendant before the plane takes off. When the cabin loses pressure, the oxygen masks fall in front of you. You are supposed to put on your own mask, before helping another person. That is because without oxygen, you won’t be of any help to anyone else. It’s best to help yourself in any area of your life before you can help others.
5. If you think your circumstances are bad, try volunteering for organizations that help those less fortunate. You will be helping others, while also realizing perhaps your life isn’t so bad. You can also help people with their current circumstances to pull themselves up and out.

So, you see there are ways to not let your circumstances define you. It’s not about what cards you’re dealt…it’s how you play the game!

May your life be passionate!