Kelly KleinI know firsthand what it’s like to be afraid. I wasn’t afraid of people, as much as I used to believe that. I was afraid of how I was perceived by others. That was a heart-stopping realization. It was a holy cow moment. I knew that I kept messing up my interactions, to the point where I instead of learning from my mistakes, I stopped putting myself out there.
I slipped behind when everyone else was moving forward in their own lives. People stopped inviting me to things, I lost friends, I became lonely. I retreated into my own self-made shell, rarely leaving the house. I stayed home all the time and went backwards, to the point where I wouldn’t go for my walk except in the extreme early morning.
Why do I tell you this? Because I’m willing to bet you are coming from a higher place than I. If I can recover, then anyone can. I know that sounds cliche but it’s true. In this article I will tell you just how I triumphed and how you can too.
1. Realize anyone can change. Yes, even YOU!
2. Figure out what causes your shyness or anxiety. A certain situation? A certain person? A certain activity? If you can narrow it down, then you can gear your healing to those things that hold you back the most.
3. Stop shying away from things. Do you really want to let fear keep you from living an amazing life? Just that one question helped me to start putting myself out there and trying new things. It’s true that you regret more of what you don’t do than what you do do. I was at a rock concert once and enjoyed it immensely. The band did an autograph signing afterwards. I bought a T-shirt. I was afraid but I really wanted to get it signed. In that moment I chose not to let fear stop me from doing what I wanted to do, so I stood in line. Not only did I get my shirt signed by all five members of the band, but I asked the lead singer for a photo with him. Eeeeek! Now I have a photo to remind me of when I did something that terrified me.
4. If you’re having difficulty with #3, then think of best and worst case scenarios. Usually the worst doesn’t happen, but the best often does.
5. Just take one small step. If you’re at home most of the time, just step outside. Say hi to a neighbour. I met my elderly neighbour across the street when her fence blew down in the wind. Helping someone, you often forget about your fears. I highly recommend volunteering. If you don’t like big groups and chaos, why not teach someone to read? Or share something you’re good at with a younger person? Or join Big Brothers and Big Sisters, where mentorship is one-on-one. Start small with an hour a week. I promise you this will make a big difference.
6. Have you ever considered that you may be pretending to be shy without even realizing it? I was told I was doing that by an insightful person. I couldn’t understand why anyone would want to…until I realized it was all about my comfort zone. Eventually it became a habit. With the mindset that you’re pretending, you can stop pretending. Call me weird if you want, but I would literally approach a situation that was uncomfortable for me, so I went out of my way to be shy. I don’t know how better to explain it. It’s not as easy as staying in your comfort zone, but have you done anything worthwhile that has been achieved in your comfort zone?
7. Take step after step, each one slightly more difficult than the last, and eventually you will break free!
If you shy away from your anxieties instead of confront them, they will get worse. Just like trigger warnings, if you don’t allow yourself to confront what triggers you, then it will always trigger you. You will forever live under the control of things.
I will always be an introvert, and I will always be shy to some degree, but I think I’ve come a long way, and I’m sure anyone can change if you put your mind to it.
Do you have any tips to add? Comment below – I’d love to hear your story! Like what you see? Be sure to subscribe to my newsletter for more content like this!
May your life be passionate!
