Kelly KleinSolitude. A word that means something different to everyone. To one person, it might cause feelings of fear. Fear of being alone. Fear of loneliness. For another person, it may mean getting away from it all. Having time to oneself. This book is for people on both sides of the fence.
In this blog post I will alleviate any fears you may have about being alone, and instead of being “by yourself,” you will be “with yourself” – enjoying every minute and returning to the realities of life refreshed, recharged, and rejuvenated. The words “by yourself” are negative. You think of loneliness, having nothing to do, nowhere to go. Conversely, “with yourself” is a positive way to say it. You spend time with other people; why not spend time with yourself? You can be surrounded by people and feel lonely, and you can also be alone and not feel lonely. A lot of it is your mindset and how you spend your time.
A Story
There’s a story that was popularized by Stephen Covey. I’m paraphrasing here. There’s a professor standing at the front of the classroom with a large bucket. He put a bunch of rocks in said bucket until it looked full. His class thought the bucket was full.
He told them they were wrong, and proceeded to pour some gravel into the bucket. Again, they thought it was full.
And again he told them they were wrong. He poured sand into the bucket, and the sand worked its way through the cracks and crevices. Again, they thought it was full.
Once more, he told them they were wrong, and poured water into the bucket, filling the tiniest spaces the sand didn’t reach.
Finally, the bucket was full.
The point of the illustration was that:
If you don’t put the big rocks in first, you’ll never get them in at all.
Can you imagine if you put the water in first? Would there be room for the sand, let alone your big rocks?
In your life, the big rocks are your highest priorities; the ones that you must get done in order to move forward. If we are constantly working on the smaller things that aren’t high priority, then we will get nowhere in our life.
What are your big rocks? Time with your family? A deadline in your business? A project at work?
Remember to put your big rocks into the bucket first or you never will. Then you will look back on your life and regret all the little things you did and the big things you didn’t do. It’s OK to do some of the little things, but make sure you prioritize the big things.
Your Own Solitude
Planning: It is important to plan your solitude so that you’re not just sitting on the beach, or in the forest, or in your cabin, and staring off into space. At the end of this post, you will see some tips on planning.
When Life Gets in the Way: Life will get in the way. Solitude will be less of a priority than your partner, your kids, your career. But it’s important to take it, in order to be a better you for the other priorities in your life.
Location: Choose a place where you will be completely alone. It could be your home if no one is there. Or a quiet place in your backyard. Other ideas: the ocean (my favourite!), a lake, the mountains, coffee shop if you don’t mind the background noise…the possibilities are endless!
Settling In: It’s important to settle in when you first arrive at your chosen location. Get out the supplies you need, make sure you have your beverage of choice nearby, and all the paper, pens, etc. that you need. You can put on soft music in the background. I recommend soft instrumental if you need music.
Activities: There are probably things you want to do during your time in solitude. Make a list before you get there. Your list could include: goal setting, reflecting, journaling, a project, making major decisions, writing, reading a self-help book. The longer your time, the more you can do, but don’t over schedule yourself or you’ll be exhausted by the end of it.
Taking Breaks: Make sure you take regular breaks if you’re there for over an hour.
Goal Setting: If you set goals, make sure you also write down action steps. A goal without action steps is just a fantasy.
Relaxation: Make sure you take some time to relax, especially if you’re there for a longer period of time. I’m not talking your breaks, but if you’re there for a day, then take an hour to just chill.
Remembering: When you leave your place of solitude, you may have difficulty remembering everything as you head back into reality. Yes, you wrote everything down, but you could easily hide it away and forget about it. It’s important to put it in front of you.
Solitude vs. Isolation: Please don’t confuse the two. Isolation is when you purposely isolate yourself from the world…essentially hiding. Solitude is going off on your own to recharge your batteries, set some goals, reflect on the future, etc.
Your Family: Your loved ones may not understand your need to get away. If you tell your kids what you’re doing, they may become interested in having their own solitude. Depending on their age, it could look different. A young child, maybe around 7 or 8, could spend time on their own in their bedroom or backyard. An older teenager may drive to the beach. It depends on their age and maturity. As for your partner, spend time with them before or after the solitude, and also explain your purpose of getting away. They will understand and be more likely to be on your side if you keep them in the loop and involve them in your reasons.
Template for Planning Solitude
Solitude Retreat For:
Date / Time:
Location:
Reason:
Activities:
Goals for Solitude:
Supplies:
Schedule:
Notes / Insights:
Conclusion
I hope you enjoyed this blog post and are set to have your own solitude. I have a book in the works to expand on this blog post. Stay tuned for that before the end of 2025!
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Be awesome and may your life be passionate!
