Kelly KleinThe last ten years have been the most eventful in my entire 45 years of existence. This is going to get a little personal.
Ten years ago was 2014. I was living with my first boyfriend. It wasn’t the right relationship for me, but I stayed for a number of reasons, the biggest one was I didn’t think I would ever find a forever man to spend my life with. I spent my entire childhood and adolescence believing no one would ever love me. I was happy one person gave me a second glance, after countless unrequited crushes. I was emotionally and mentally abused.
BUT
In the last ten years, a lot has changed.
I left the relationship.
I worked hard for my driver’s licence and got it.
I put my son into public school after years of homeschooling.
I incurred debt as the result of having no job for the last 12 years, and relying on him for surviving.
I went back to the relationship, having no other option, having no one to help me, having doors slammed in my face.
I finally left the relationship for good and moved into a women’s shelter, my son moved in with my sister.
I was there for six months, unable to find an affordable apartment where I could live with my son again.
I got a new job. I got a promotion at said job. I also later got demoted.
I started dating my current boyfriend.
I found a basement apartment.
I eventually moved into a two-bedroom apartment with my boyfriend and son, to start a new life.
I started three side hustles – Passionate Quill – Your Cleaning Lady – Proofreader.
I made the difficult decision not to go for a promotion again. It was the right choice because a promotion in retail is not in line with my future goals and dreams. I don’t need a distraction away from all that, and the hours and stress that would come with that.
Through it all, I was on a roller coaster ride. I had dreams and goals. I battled struggles, doors being shut in my face, worries, doubts, low self-esteem, judgements…I kept failing. Nothing came easy.
I am still healing from the trauma. I don’t feel like I’m good enough for anyone or anything. I’m always apologizing as if I’m always doing something wrong. I feel stupid and ugly and fat. I had family send me nasty messages. My son has been affected.
I learned how to set boundaries.
I defer decisions to my boyfriend because my decisions were always wrong in my past relationship, even though he is not like my past.
I don’t know how to heal. What I experienced affects me every day.
No one understands who hasn’t been through it.
No one knows the whole story of what I went through and am going through.
My situation wasn’t as bad as others I’ve seen, having lived with other women who ran from abusive situations, and some having no choice but to go back.
Why didn’t I deal with it better than I have? My self-esteem told me that I was worthless and couldn’t do anything right. It was a never ending downward spiral.
My son is having trouble but has so much potential. I think it affected him more than he lets on.
I’m still dealing with the separation and the ex, after a period of time where we had a no contact order.
I’m finally making progress. Things are finally looking up. Things are slowly turning around for me. All I worked for is finally coming to fruition.
I’m getting there.
All because I persevered.
I also changed as a person. I’m more positive, I’m kinder, I’m a bit smarter, I am more empathetic, I am more resourceful, I’m more independent…
Take a look at your last ten years. What has changed in your life? You may think you’re in the same place you were ten years ago, but you underestimate yourself.
Maybe you have a new, loving relationship. You started a new job or a business or a side hustle that you enjoy. You made new friends. You went back to school. You moved into your dream home.
Maybe you didn’t do much in the last ten years, but I guarantee you are in a different place than you were. Even if it’s just your mindset is different, or you have a different outlook on life. You discovered a new dream you want to pursue. You set some goals and are currently going after them.
I’m curious what is different in your life from ten years ago. If you care to share, let me know in the comments!
Be awesome and may your life be passionate!
